You may find yourself presented with the perfect opportunity to wreak unsuspecting revenge on your ex, fuelled by their despicable behaviour in recent times.
You might seriously court the possibility of doing so and be highly tempted to actually do something, especially if the circumstances indicate they’ll never find out it was you.
Believe me, this is tantamount to drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Ponder the possibility of what might have happened over a nice calming cup of tea, then let it go.
Alternatively, instead of fantasising about how your ex will get their just desserts, try focussing on how you can punish them by living a long and happy life without them.
Pack a supper-flavoured picnic with a flask of your favourite warming beverage and some good eye protection, then head off to watch the sunset at a beautiful local viewpoint, or perhaps a beach or another body of water.
Everything changes as the sun heads off around the planet; your divorce will be a step further on, the paperwork will have a few less sheets to read or fill in, the levels of pain might have increased temporarily but the concluding end of the maelstrom is definitely a day closer too.
If you catch the sun just as it prepares to drop down onto the horizon, you’ll notice it seems to move remarkably quickly towards the end; hold onto that thought.
I know it can be incredibly difficult to see the upside when the pain hurts so badly, but try to feel blessed that you had a chance to experience another day, glory, warts and all.
When you see the sun the following day, hopefully your disposition and levels of optimism will be a bit brighter too.
Changing a few everyday consumables in your kitchen is a nice way to blow a breath of fresh air into the place.
Have a thought about the tea, coffee and other beverages you drink and consider finding new brands that better suit you and your personality. Maybe hitch the quality up a notch too and migrate to organic and Fairtrade varieties.
Peruse mouthwatering ranges of exotic fruit teas and if money is tight, try making a few blends of your own; a few leaves of mint or sage in hot water make delicious digestives and are also very cooling drinks that offer a soothing pathway towards your bed.
The very darkest of times can evoke the most incredible pieces of creative writing.
‘Poetry of Divorce: for Women’ is such a body of work. Published three years ago today, it’s a book written from the depths of my very soul during my divorce, sometimes on days where I could barely see through tear-laden lenses.
It was the most healing process I’ve ever experienced.
Pick up a pen and scribble some poetry, pen fiction or document your story, your history, your reasons for leaving, explain how you are coping, or quantify just how much you want to place your ex on the other side of the known universe!
Believe me, it will give you a new direction, it will externalise some of the angst from your head and it will help. You never know, you might end up with your own Poetry of Divorce…
Visit www.MagicOxygen.co.uk/shop to order your copy.
If your ex was a control freak and trapped in a mental box, you can be sure that even after the divorce, they’ll chance their arm again and try to regain the control they (thought they) had.
If you’ve broken away from that relationship and are now back on your feet, that’s where you need to stay. With enormous bravery you removed yourself from that oppressive situation and you do not need to revisit the horror or hurt ever again.
It may well be that you need to seek out a steadying influence, a close and dear friend who knows what you had to endure, in order for you to see the light again.
Ask them to help you up from any temporary dips of sadness and they will. Anyone who observed your descent when you were with your ex, will know the value of patience, reassurance and perseverance.
You are a survivor, never forget that!
If you’ve been a long time married and you’ve got the childbearing bit out of the way, you may have had more than a pregnant pause since you last contemplated contraception.
It’s not just getting pregnant that you need to worry about. These days, a little dose is something other than a measurement of cold syrup and it’s quite a lot harder to get rid of.
I realise you may not even be out there on the dating scene yet, but it won’t hurt to be proactive on the protective front.
Make an appointment with your doctor or practice nurse to discuss your situation and to make yourself aware of all of the options open to you. Believe me, times have changed!
Car insurance is one of those strange anomalies that’s only likely to rear its renewable head once a year.
If you are recently separated and were jointly insured for your vehicles, you’ll be wise to contact your insurance company or broker to make any necessary adjustments to the policies, as soon as possible.
This is most especially relevant if your ex usually handled those affairs.
You really don’t want to find out that they’ve removed you from a policy you thought was in place, or conveniently omitted to pay the renewal premium, in the wake of a nasty collision.
If you’re wandering through the mist of madness that surrounds your divorce and having trouble sleeping, look to Mother Nature’s garden for a few floral solutions for getting the rest you urgently need.
There are a great many plants, the aromas from which can have significantly calming effects upon your system. Lavender, chamomile and valerian are very commonly used, but do a little research on sage, linden and raspberry too.
I stayed in a hotel once that had a long sprig of rosemary, bound in the centre by a strip of beautiful lace and tied in a bow which was placed upon the pillow. Not only did it look utterly gorgeous, but the oils imparted from the plant left a delightful smell on the fabric and I slept like a log…
If you’ve sat in the shadow of a joint bank account with your ex, once you’re the other side of their dominance, enjoy the excitement and liberation of opening a new account just for you, as you assert yourself in your newly separated phase.
Ensure that all passwords to access your money and associated information are different to your old ones and choose another PIN code too.
It’s a strong mark of independence and if you haven’t been allowed to do your own banking in the past, it might seem completely daunting but if your ex was a financial controller, it’s easy to understand why you might feel that way.
The bank staff will be only too pleased to walk you through your options for personal and online banking and it’ll soon become second nature to be in the driving seat of your finances.
If you find yourself at the sharp end of an ex’s forked and vicious tongue, hold onto the words ‘It will end’.
I know how incredibly difficult that can be, especially when you are trying to find shelter from relentless daily attacks from your ex.
But even the largest and noisiest of steam trains loses momentum eventually and every wordy attack you are bombarded by, will find you one step closer to them giving up and shutting up.
Hang on in there, ‘It will end’.