Divorce Coping Tip for 8th June 2018

It can be a bamboozling task trying to make long-term financial decisions about any capital you may find yourself in receipt of, post-divorce.

Whilst you must recognise that we are are not IFAs, if you are in the UK you might like to consider putting your money into NS&I Premium Bonds in the short term, while you have a think about what you want to do. Instead of paying interest, the NS&I hold monthly prize draws with a £1 million jackpot and over a million smaller denomination cash prizes.

The organisation is backed by HM Treasury so you can sit confidently in the knowledge that all the money you invest in Premium Bonds is 100% secure whether or not you win a prize.

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Once you’ve received some sound independent financial advice on how to best invest for your future and made an informed decision on what you want to do, you can cash the Bonds in immediately and get the full lump sum you invested back out, ready to reinvest as you choose.

Safe short-term plans are secure and comforting while you’re recovering from the bizarre madness of divorce.

NB: Seek qualified independent financial advice on what to do and do not put it all under the mattress!

Divorce Coping Tip for 7th June 2018

If you are in the wake of separation, consider picking up the threads of a chum from way back.

As we move through life and get involved in all of it’s complexities and necessities, we lose touch with people who have a wonderful ability to make us smile and appreciate life. I’m not sure why it happens, that’s just the way it is.

With so many vehicles that allow us to touch base with an old chum, (Friends Reunited, Facebook, Twitter and more) there’s no excuse for not reaching out to them. The thing is, even if you haven’t been in touch since before you started your married years, there’s little you need do to fill in the blanks. You can pick up from where you left off and gloss over the stuff that’s been causing you heartache.

Dip back into your dim and distant past and have a pure and simple slice of historical happy.

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Divorce Coping Tip for 7th June 2018

If you are in the wake of separation, consider picking up the threads of a chum from way back.

As we move through life and get involved in all of it’s complexities and necessities, we lose touch with people who have a wonderful ability to make us smile and appreciate life. I’m not sure why it happens, that’s just the way it is.

With so many vehicles that allow us to touch base with an old chum, (Friends Reunited, Facebook, Twitter and more) there’s no excuse for not reaching out to them. The thing is, even if you haven’t been in touch since before you started your married years, there’s little you need do to fill in the blanks. You can pick up from where you left off and gloss over the stuff that’s been causing you heartache.

Dip back into your dim and distant past and have a pure and simple slice of historical happy.

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Divorce Coping Tip for 6th June 2018

We work hard to provide tips on varied topics to help you deal with early separation and divorce, regardless of your gender and marital set up; tonight, however, it’s male specific.

Statistics from the UKs ManKind Initiative (May 2013) show that 40% of domestic abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) victims are male; for every five victims, three will be female, two will be male.

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In England and Wales there are around 500 refuges for women compared to around 50 refuges for men, approximately 5 of which can take men and their children. There are also a handful available for gay men, but they tend to be big city based, London etc.

Male or female, you are not alone. Domestic abuse is completely unacceptable. There is help out there and national helplines and websites are a great place to start finding it. Try ManKind Initiative, Survivors UK, Esteem Men (UK) and A Voice for Men (US).

NB: Thanks to Brian at ManKind for invaluable assistance.

Divorce Coping Tip for 5th June 2018

A few months back, I posed the question of what you should do if your ex throws a protest threatening suicide; tonight I’ve decided to tackle what you should do if you’re the one harbouring the darkest of thoughts.

Suicidal feelings are very real and should not be ignored or taken lightly. Generally, they don’t go away of their own accord, they aren’t headaches.

Whatever you feel the reasons are for you feeling that way, bad treatment by your ex or indeed, guilt for bad treatment towards your ex, or just about anything in between, you have a single moral obligation and a responsibility to yourself to deal with it.

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Your doctor really should be the first port of call, or if the feelings descend upon you at the most unsociable hour, The Samaritans or a similar helpline number should be able to talk you back through the wee hours until you can get hold of your surgery.

If you approach a dear friend who has absolutely no idea where you’re at with the concept, it might be more than they are able to cope with or know how best to deal with and the last thing you need is them flipping the situation around by saying, ‘I had no idea – what kind of friend am I?’. Turn to a professional, be honest with them and be honest with yourself.

Nothing is that hard to come back from, nothing.

Divorce Coping Tip for 4th June 2018

If you have children, it really doesn’t matter how old they are, if you are the other side of their maternal/paternal relationship, you will come up against tricky verbal walls.

Those walls can be incredibly hard to overcome and you may find yourself questioning your methods in dealing with situations that arise in everyday life.

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Simple conflicts can find emotions inflated when you assume the role of absent parent.

Your choices are to pass responsibility off for fractious events for the child’s blood parent to deal with, or to deal with situations as you see fair and fit.

Whether you are in a long-term stable or a new found relationship, the best tack to take is the latter with the addition of simple honest dialogue; it’s a hard one, but you can do it.

Divorce Coping Tip for 3rd June 2018

Immediately after the Big Red Button has been pushed (by you or them) try hard not to engage in any unnecessary emotionally loaded banter with newly titled ex, if your goal is to discuss important details.

To be honest, it’s likely to be so highly charged, you are unlikely to get a great deal sensibly debated or organised.

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It’s unfortunate when intricate, relationship-laced conversations descend into a verbal brawl, as they are generally never worth having at the back door of the relationship.

Be the bigger person in the room: put an end to the furore before it begins by not having it in the first place. Attempt to set up a more productive time to discuss any necessary questions or plans, and leave the room if necessary.

Divorce Coping Tip for 2nd June 2018

If you’ve left your marital home and only have a few sticks of worldly goods to show for your time together, bear in mind that the stuff (and that’s all it really is, ‘stuff’) can be replaced in the fullness of time.

If you had possession of more of your collective items, the likelihood is that you may have deeply sad associations when using them, which in turn could cause you more grief than not having them.

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It can be quite a cathartic experience downshifting your material possessions and it’s a bizarrely interesting awakening when you realise how few items of stuff you need to survive and feel comfortable and happy with.

The greatest hurt often comes as a result of your ex having taken charge of what items you are to be furnished with as you part company.

At the end of the day, a fresh start is probably the calmest and most digestible idea all round.

Divorce Coping Tip for 1st June 2018

On days where your head-bound wordy washing machine rotates away, giving you irksome thoughts to cogitate and come up with clever solutions for, don’t you just wish you could find the ‘Off’ switch?

I’ve always found it helpful to plot out a bubbly mind map when I’m in that situation.

You don’t need to be artistic, you just need a piece of paper and an instrument to scrawl with.

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In the centre of your paper, draw a bubble and inside it write the name of the person causing you the most angst, highly likely to be your ex. Draw a stem from it and join it to another bubble and write a few words about whatever is causing you the most grief, be it child-care arrangements, or procrastination of signing papers. If that bubble has another level of angst leading from it, draw another line and continue on until you have emptied your head of the contents of the washing machine.

The exercise doesn’t offer an instant solution to your problems, but you will have gone a long way to externalise your clear and present turbulence and that might lead to a better night’s sleep and possible conclusions.

Divorce Coping Tip for 31st May 2018

If you’ve been a wedding ring wearer, it is safe to say that on the day you decide to remove it, you may be somewhat shaken and stirred.

A wedding ring embodies what marriage is about; solidity, strength, commitment…well of course, that’s in a good case scenario. If you’ve been trapped in a marriage where things weren’t so happy, it can signify entrapment in an endless circle of repetitive nightmares.

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Regardless of how you view the ring itself, it can be quite a chore getting used to touching the empty space on the third finger of your left hand and touch it you will.

The urge to twiddle that naked space is almost impossible to fight and it serves as an immediate reminder of what’s going on. There are no rules saying you need to keep that finger ring-free, if it’s too much to bear, consider getting something else to wear that symbolises your step towards a more positive future, or leave the space empty and buy a different item of jewellery and divert your twiddling twitches elsewhere.