The first day of anything holds an immense power to feel quite significant. The first day of a special holiday for example, the first day of a marriage and the first day following the death of somebody very close to you.
The first day after you and your spouse split up is likely to resonate with all three of those and more besides.
Whether you left them or they left you, the echoes of what should have been happier times fill the void inside you and for a while, it is normal to feel positively numbed by the experience.
Despite well meaning advice from friends and family, listen to your heart when deciding what to do next. If you need to sit still for a while to digest what’s gone on, do so. It’s not wallowing in the pity of the situation, it’s more like catching your breath and preparing for what lies ahead.
Over 200 participants from Israel, the US and Canada, including Orthodox rabbis, judges, lawyers, scholars and women’s rights activists met to discuss solutions to the problem of agunot, women chained to an unwanted or non-existent Jewish marriage because their husbands refuse to give them a get (Jewish divorce).
As an Israeli women’s rights lawyer who has represented hundreds of agunot in the Israeli rabbinical courts during the past 33 years, I was impressed by the presentations and particularly encouraged by the call for community action.
Summit organizers expressed the hope that new scholarship as to halachic solutions and new political changes might bring about real change. High-profile speakers included Justice Minister Tzipi Livni, recently retired Supreme Court president Dorit Beinisch and the prolific and well-known Harvard law professor Alan Dershowitz.
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“This is a game to them, and they enjoy the game,” said Lisa Helfend Meyer, a partner with the boutique law firm Meyer Olson Lowy & Meyers in Los Angeles.
One important caveat: If your controlling spouse is also a physical abuser, the first step— even if you’re not ready financially — is to get yourself and your children out of the house.
If you’re physically safe, it’s time to make your financial preparations. You’re moving to reclaim your independent financial life. In short, have your own cash, be ready to do the unthinkable, and check your emotions at the door.
Click here to read their five suggested ways to divorcing a bully.
“There have also been fabulous overseas adventures including a Caribbean cruise with friends and a month travelling on my own in Bali, Australia and Hong Kong – things I’d never have done had I remained married.
“In fact I wish I’d been brave enough to end the marriage sooner but I stayed out of commitment to my vows and for the sake of our two children.
“Mick and I met at school and when he asked me out I couldn’t believe it as he was such a good-looking boy, while I was a quiet and naive girl who’d had a strict Methodist upbringing.
“We married in June 1973 aged 21 and had our two sons Steve, now 35, and Kevin who tragically died in a motorbike accident when he was 22, just nine months after his dad and I separated. Over the years Mick and I had drifted apart.
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In addition to sales, traffic to the Divorce Online website rose by a significant 45.4% for the same period. Free advice sections, such as “ask the experts” where questions are answered by lawyers and forums, where users share their experiences and talk to family professionals, showed the biggest increases.
The latest figures from Divorce Online cement the predictions of a June 2013 YouGov report, which suggested a potential surge in DIY divorces following the withdrawal of legal aid in the majority of private family cases.
YouGov’s report found that nearly a quarter (24%) of those who used solicitor/law firms during their divorce used legal aid to fund some or all of their divorce – a resource that has now disappeared for the majority of people.
She, however, noted that 65% of cases for annulment and legal separation are filed by women.
Ilagan said the party-list group’s push for a divorce law is a response to the clamor of many Filipino women who are seeking another legal remedy to problems with their marriages.
The lawmaker listed 5 possible conditions for granting divorce in the Philippines:
‘When the clouds of depression blew over me, I knew I needed something more than a paracetamol to cure it so I went to see my doctor and they were amazing. They got me on the right track with counselling, anti-anxiety tablets for the really awful bits and anti-depressants.’
Tracey explains more about the coping mechanism she discovered in a pen and paper, ‘I started writing all the stuff that was rolling around in my head initially, then those pieces morphed into ditties that told lots of different divorce stories from women I had spoken to. The creative process was painfully enjoyable and very powerful.’
The publication is produced by Cedar Communications and is available free in most Tesco stores and available to read online.
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It’s not a man hating read by any means, indeed, this fictional reads’ primary aim is to lift the spirits and regular BBC Radio 4 poet, Matt Harvey concurs, ‘It’s humour, heartache and hope, held together with rhythm and rhyme; it’s great!’
Her witty performances are laced together with depictions of some of the most bizarre divorce stories she has come across and combined with her coping tips to help others get through it, evoking tears, laughter and the reality that you are not alone.
Tickets for the performance at 7pm on 5th July are £3 and available from Archway Bookshop and the Arts Café; refreshments will also be available. (There is a private media performance at 6pm.)
The paperback is on sale at Archway Bookshop and other retailers priced £9.99. The author is donating 10% of book sale profits to the West Dorset Women’s Refuge and WAND (Women’s Action Network Dorset), two great organisations helping countless women in crisis.
Details of future performances and the book can be found at
At the beginning of this year, four couples in Shanghai reportedly parted ways shortly after their marriage registration on January 4, 2013, which was considered an auspicious date to tie the knot in China.
The number of divorces in Shanghai went on to soar from March onwards, when the central government introduced a new series of real estate regulations to curb domestic housing prices. A host of opportunistic couples severed their legal ties in order to buy additional property without having to pay an enormous extra amount of tax.
Apart from this unusual motive for divorce, other major reasons that couples in Shanghai split up include extramarital affairs, financial difficulties, family disputes, sex issues, and disagreements over parenting.
Last week, the accountants PricewaterhouseCoopers gave FTSE 350 companies a score of 75/100 for their efforts, and while that sounds pretty good, it was 88/100 in early 2007, before the recession began. PwC says the score, which tracks companies’ overall financial strength versus their pension obligations, should be more than 90 if UK plc is to get its pension bills “under control”.
Against this backdrop, those advising companies on their pension problems are beginning to think the unthinkable. Stefan Lundbergh of the pensions management firm Cardano wrote in these pages in May: “There’s a real danger that UK corporate defined-benefit pension schemes may have to cut their benefits to members.”