If your ex left in a rush, they might also have left you with the responsibility of clearing out their stuff.
Think about the spaces you most commonly frequent in your home and remove the items with the worst associations to your ex, paying immediate attention to your kitchen cupboards.
You probably have countless cups of tea or coffee and just seeing their crockery can physically hurt. If you have unwanted possession of their favourite beverage mug, bowl or snack plate, consider donating them to a worthy cause, or alternatively, if they’ve really racked you off, take great delight in smashing them, being mindful not to get shards on your skin.
One relatively safe and effective way to let off a little steam is to put the items inside a bag then inside another bag, then cover with a towel and bash with something weighty, or let it drop on the floor; be sure to enjoy the resounding naughty smash!
Remove those irksome visual reminders and find comfort in the finality of the process.
They say an English(wo)man’s home is their castle, therefore, your bedroom should be your inner sanctuary.
If you’ve experienced a change of living and sleeping arrangements, it might be time for that room to reflect the new you and to be filled with your favourite fabrics and colours.
Consider donating all of your old bed linen to a charity store or local refuge and replace it with something fresh and new, chosen entirely by you. Stretch to replacing the pillows and duvet too if you can afford it.
You don’t have to spend a fortune and if you shop around, you should be able to do it on a reasonably tight budget. If you go for a plain set of bedding, you could always buy a swathe of patterned fabric from a haberdashery shop and use it to make ties, throws, lights shades, cushions covers or bows to pull it all together and give your most private space some fresh pizazz.
One of my favourite views of a sunflower is during her dying days, when the leaves have all shrivelled up and the seeds are prominent and ready for harvest. I revel in this moribund phase further whenever I see Van Gogh’s oil on canvas of a vase of sunflowers.
By Vincent van Gogh – National Gallery (NG3863), London, Public Domain, Link
Art can be incredibly distracting if you’re in the right mood and are willing to let your mind wander. It can also offer temporary relief to a torrid situation. Plan a trip to an art gallery – a great many are still free – and view the work with your new perspective.
Seek out artists in your area, or maybe head to the capital to take in some of the nationally acclaimed pieces. In larger venues, you’ll frequently be able to find enormous, pondersome benches where you can while away a few peaceful hours, gathering your thoughts and centering your being.
It’s bad enough when you have to endure the inane misery an ex’s idiotic words, be they written or spoken, but these can be made even more painful when other people roll around in them.
When friends dissect their statements and make fun of them or pull them apart, it can invite you to revisit old hurt and you may find a fresh wave of tears burning a hot route down your cheek, as your buddies attempt to try and make you feel better.
It is pain, however you cut it, and actually it’s your pain, so ensure your feelings are understood and respected by your well meaning friends.
Simple lifestyle changes can be good for you following enormous upheavals, but it’s not always easy to do a great deal when you don’t have a healthy budget to do so, however, your local library will be delighted to welcome you in.
Libraries are amazing spaces in which to indulge happy silence and that might be one of the things you’re craving amid all the noise that’s surrounding you. It’s a safe space where you can bathe in the company of others at a comfortable distance and of course, spend time amongst all those beautiful books; what a wonderful way to while away a few hours.
You could probably sneak in a thermos and a few snacks for inexpensive sustenance, just be mindful of your trail of crumbs.
As the dawn breaks this Valentine’s day, you may not wish to embrace it with hearts and flowers. Find out what time the sun rises on TimeAndDate.com pack some eye protection and plan a trip out to a local viewpoint to watch the start of a brand new day.
Sunrise happens surprisingly quickly and if you’ve never taken the time to observe it before you might be surprised to see how speedily the Sun lifts from the horizon.
At times it may feel as though your divorce is moving like slow flowing lava and it can be incredibly frustrating, but take solace in the fact that you are that Sun rising and you’re another day closer to its conclusion.
We are blessed with the gift of every new day; try hard to find something good in each of them and equally hard not to wish them away.
Don’t whack your credit card with a huge spend as you indulge consumer-based relief to alleviate your pain.
It’ll probably cause you more stress than you have the ability to cope with and the buzz you get from making the purchase will be short lived and yes, you really do release excited endorphins when you buy stuff.
It’s more likely that you’re seeking a few simple changes to your immediate surroundings. Why not visit the charity shops to see if they have a few colourful throws or lamps, or better still, organise a free swap-shop with a bunch of your chums.
If a new love interest comes into your life, but the timing is bad, consider carefully who exactly the bad timing matters to.
If it’s for The They (all those incessantly noisy people connected to your ex), ask yourself where they fare on the scale of your right to happiness. It’s more likely that if you took up with somebody on the day you left, 3 weeks after, 3 months, even 3 years, you’d be projected into a bubble of shame.
We all have a right to be happy, on our own if we wish or with a partner if we choose and friends, relatives and The They should be less concerned with your timeline and delighted you’ve found what you were looking for. That is unless their sole purpose is to cause trouble, in which case, perhaps you should reassess their importance in your life.
If you are a fan of the Internet, set up a Google Calendar specifically for all matters divorce.
Be sure to note everything down, including chase up telephone calls to authorities and court services, notes of when you posted things, dates to see the solicitor, notable contacts with your ex and so on. It may seem extraneous but it may prove an invaluable source of information in the not too distant future.
Go to Google.com/calendar to get started, it’ll take you about 5 minutes to get the hang of it and they are minutes well invested, because it’s a sure bet you’ll not be able to rely upon your memory for the multiple recall that will be required.
If your ex is behaving appallingly towards you, it can be incredibly hard to try and understand why, regardless of whether you left them, or they left you.
When relationships finish, it can evoke bizarre and quite dreadful behaviours which are futile to try and comprehend. I’ve often thought it must be some sort of self-preservation mechanism kicking in to prevent world regarding them as being the one who is wearing the baddies uniform.
It is less emotionally expensive and more effective in the long term to simply accept it’s taking place; they’ll get bored and shut up eventually.