It is all to easy to slip back into the purchasing habits that you were used to, pre-divorce.
If your ex was the major earner in your relationship and you aren’t receiving a great deal of financial support from them, you will have to set an urgent post-divorce budget to live by.
Credit and store cards will make temporarily uplifting but unnecessary purchases horribly accessible but you must remember, you will have to pick the bill up at some point; your ex may have been the last buck, but they aren’t there any more.
Living within your new means is tricky but you can do it and things will be far easier if you set realistic spending limits for food, clothing, utilities, entertainment and so on.
Be sure to explore every avenue for benefits from the government, there’s probably more available than you realised for low earners.
In the meantime, make a positive start by cutting up your store cards and finding out where the charity shops are near you.
Once you are the other side of your divorce, celebrate life by planting a tree to signify the emergence of the new you.
If not on land controllable by you, consider using a reputable company like Treeflights, who for a very small fee will plant food bearing trees in African communities.
A fledgling new whip of a tree is the perfect signifier of what you now are.
Nowhere near its full potential and with a propensity to move with the seasons and occasionally, bend with the wind.
It’s hard to imagine that something so tender and vulnerable could blossom into a steadfast creation of majesty and strength but it will and you will too.
Instant messages shared between friends and sent via mobile phones or computers, offer immediate solutions to getting stuff off your chest.
Be wary of the fact that they can be recorded, given permanence and used by people who want to rock your boat.
The trouble is, it can actually feel quite liberating to write about how you’re feeling to a voiceless chum. When you’re having a bad day, the temptation to let off steam can be overwhelming.
If you’re being particularly derisory about your ex, consider whether you would post the same message on the outside wall of their parent’s house, or splash it across the counter of your local post office, or paint it in the playground of a nearby school?
Instant messages can hold infamous last words that spread faster than the flu.
It’s Mother’s Day in the UK; what a tricky one this is to write about.
If you have no children, advance to Go and collect your £200. If you do, here are my most heartfelt, guiding thoughts to help you through it.
Regardless of whether you’re a mother or father and whether the children live with you, your ex, or you have shared care, it may be difficult to keep your emotions in balance today.
If you’ve let the children in on the inner secrets of your divorce, you may be scorned by them and if you do the opposite, you may have the same reaction.
Regardless of your marital status now, at some point presumably in happier times, you and the other parent created a life. Try to hold onto the good thoughts at the root of that.
The focus today is on mother and when it’s mixed with recent history, sometimes that’s a bit too much to bear. If I’m honest, the best way to get through to tomorrow unscathed, is to grit yer teeth and ride it out; in time these key days will get easier, I promise.
Divorce can be very expensive on your physical and mental health.
While your brain is busy fighting ‘The They’ and the horse they rode in on, your body will do all it can to keep you well and healthy, but it might fail miserably and catch every bug known to man just to add to your woes.
It might seem insignificant, but try to eat a couple of pieces of fruit that excites you every day to boost your defences.
By exciting fruit, I mean the special stuff you usually reserve for guests or people in hospital…
I cannot think of a nicer reason for putting a sticker on the fruit bowl saying ‘Hands off – medicinal purposes only’!
Consider carefully the motive of a (possibly soon to be ex) partner, who tells you that you don’t need counselling to help deal with any stress you may be feeling.
This is most especially important if the stress seems to be stemming from your relationship, particularly if they have refused to attend any jointly proposed visits to make things better.
Professional relationship or personal counselling can be incredibly effective at patching up your differences and helping you get back on your feet.
If your ex/partner intimates that seeking such help is a sign of personal weakness, have a long hard think about their motives for saying so; it is more likely to be a fear of you waking up to what’s really going on.
‘I’m gonna wash that man right outa my hair’, a toe-tapping line in a classic tune from the musical, South Pacific.
Sometimes washing just isn’t enough. As part of your resurrection, perhaps you might enjoy considering a new hairstyle and possibly even a dramatic cut, or maybe a colour.
The history of what we eat and drink is traceable in the strands of our hair. Stressful events can be visible too and have the power to change the colour of it.
Even if the only benefit of a haircut is mental catharsis and a relaxing hour having someone caress your head, it might do you more good than you think.
Treat yourself to a comfortable pair of proper walking boots, new if you can stretch to them or look for second-hand bargains on Ebay or in the charity shops.
Go to your nearest Tourist Information Centre and find out where the footpaths are in your immediate vicinity, or a little further afield if you prefer. Then pack a flask of your favourite brew, something savoury to eat and something positively naughty and energy boosting and take to the paths to explore the simple beauty that Mother Nature lays out before us every day.
The fresh air has a remarkable ability to blow the cobwebs out of our heads and the gentle pace you set with your feet can be positively meditative.
It might come as an awful shock if your doctor confirms one of your greatest fears; your divorce is causing you to suffer with anxiety or depression.
You are not alone, don’t worry. According to the UK’s Mental Health Foundation, around 1 in 4 people will experience some kind of mental problem in the course of a year.
Don’t fight the diagnosis or the recommended course of action and if your doctor advises you to take medication, don’t fear getting off antidepressants before you’ve swallowed a tablet.
Rather, consider the consequences of not paying attention to their informed judgement on your current state. All things pass and you will be back on your feet again in good time.
Accept the fact that divorce has the ability to completely liberate you and debilitate you too.
It’s a very powerful word and state of mind and its energy should not be underestimated.
Treat the entire divorce process with the utmost respect and do all you can to learn from experience.
After the event, find time for some careful analysis. Digest the lessons, really learn from them and build on them with a view to it never happening again.