If you and your soon-to-be-ex share joint responsibility for loans, be sure to get in touch with the finance companies to put them in the picture regarding your situation, as soon as you part company.
Unfortunately, loan payments can easily be cast to the wayside during stressful periods and there’s not a great deal more stressful than coming to terms with an oncoming divorce.
The financial settlement that takes into account your full joint worth, might not be looked at for a great many months. You need to have more than the verbal assurance from your ex that they’ll ‘take care of things’ during the interim.
Bad credit ratings are as hard to shake off as bad husbands or wives.
Occasionally you may feel you simply can’t cope with all the curved balls your divorce hurls at you.
This type of occurrence doesn’t happen exclusively during the period immediately surrounding and enclosing your divorce. Indeed, you may find yourself in a mental fix, months or even a couple of years after everything has settled; such is the power of the act itself.
When this happens, break the day into manageable chunks and concentrate on what you are going to do between now and your next cup of tea or coffee.
Focus on the simple things and let the Universe take care of everything else for a while as you gather your threads once more.
Sorting out divorce paperwork is nothing short of a nightmare, especially when you are not residing in the home where your financial documentation is stored.
If you are preparing to leave your partner and think that gaining access to these sorts of files might be difficult, you might want to consider the following.
Gather together your bank and savings account statements, also mortgage or rental statements, outstanding loans, payslips, any paperwork that pertains to business accounts, stock and share information and indeed any other financial related items going back at least a year, preferably two.
If you cannot easily photocopy them, take photographs of them instead and try to take them straight on so they could easily be printed out if need be.
Above all, take your time and ensure you can read all of the numbers before you pack everything away. If the physical movement of such paperwork is likely to cause a problem, carefully copy the files one at a time during a period when you know you’re not going to be disturbed and put them back exactly as they were, so as not to raise suspicion.
Getting ready to draw your relationship to a close is stressful enough; with hindsight, this is one exercise your pocket will be glad you completed before you pushed that big red button.
Cover yourself in love and with bright face paint, draw beautiful hearts all over your body.
From your head to your toes, paint on as many as you can. Just the outlines will do, or if you’re feeling really creative, colour them in.
It could be your indulgent secret and you could make them invisible to others by wearing long sleeves and trousers.
Be sure to paint as many as you can on your wobbly bits, scars, stretch-marks and any areas of contention that your ex had the most negative comments to bestow upon.
You are incredible on a cellular level, don’t ever forget it.
If your ex took pleasure in hurling personal insults at you, like fatty, ginger, skinny, spotty, ugly and so on, it can be surprising how much those tiny words can continue to cause you pain, even once the relationship has ended.
The most devious bullies use very commonly used words to hurt their victims, words that regularly come up in normal conversations and discussions. The legacy of pain from their verbal spears will go on for as long as you allow it to.
Stand up to their vile old behaviour and stamp the pain out by ‘taking possession’ of the very words that were intended to hurt you. Say them, screech them, giggle them over and over and over until they sound as ridiculously stupid as playground insults are and until you cannot hear them without laughing. It’s time you won this round, forever.
If you were suppressed on many levels during your relationship, once you’ve broken free it could be the perfect time to find out what your true potential is.
Take a look at prospectuses from local colleges and night schools and seek out courses on subjects you’ve always wanted to study, then sign up for them in good time for the start of the new academic year.
This can be a particularly liberating occurrence if your ex kept you downtrodden, or made you feel you were incapable or incompetent and therefore shouldn’t bother.
It’s more likely they were fearful of you expanding your mind, seeing the light and ending the e
Keeping your mind occupied is hard when all you have floating around it is divorce based. A new educational direction will give you a healthy and enjoyable new focus.
It’s incredible how much paperwork you amass during a divorce.
There’s not only forms galore to fill in, in triplicate in some cases, with ensuing reams of bitter words on paper going back and forth between upset parties, but when it comes to your financial settlement, you’ll be trawling over bank statements and receipts for years gone by too, all of which will need copying and collating; it’s an entire forest’s worth of grief.
So what do you do with it once the Decree Absolute has arrived and the final account has been settled?
Recently, a UK student fashioned hundreds of old divorce papers into a wedding dress, that she put forward as an examination piece for her GCSE, very impressive.
I decided to burn mine, they were a thorn in my side to look at for what seemed like an eternity, sitting there blinking at me from the chunky red file they were squashed into. It was incredibly gratifying if I’m honest and once the vitriol had been turned to ash, I threw the lot into the bottom of a composting box that I plan to grow potatoes in.
Enjoy whatever you decide to do with yours, it’s a unique, surreal and healing experience for sure.
If you’re living in the property you shared with your ex, you might like to consider making a few changes.
In previous tips we’ve extolled the virtues of how much better you’ll feel by changing a few items in your wardrobe, particularly night attire and underwear and in the lounge, how fresh new cushion covers can help make a difference too.
However, if you really don’t want them crossing your threshold unless invited, you might like to change the locks and give yourself a stronger feeling of security. If you jointly own the property, things can get complicated and whilst your ex may have rights, remember, you do too.
If the situation between you has been abusive in any way, or you simply do not feel safe, it might be a very wise course of action. You can advise your ex’s solicitor that you are not restricting them from collecting any of their things, but your safety and well being come first.
It’s Mother’s Day in the US and I’ve chosen to re-run the tip I put out for this day in the UK as we have such a large readership in the States – my loving thoughts go out to all mothers, wherever you are.
If you have no children, advance to Go and collect your $200. If you do, here are my most heartfelt, guiding thoughts to help you through it.
Regardless of whether you’re a mother or father and whether the children live with you, your ex, or you have shared care, it may be difficult to keep your emotions in balance today.
If you’ve let the children in on the inner secrets of your divorce, you may be scorned by them and if you do the opposite, you may have the same reaction.
Regardless of your marital status now, at some point presumably in happier times, you and the other parent created a life. Try to hold onto the good thoughts at the root of that.
The focus today is on mother and when it’s mixed with recent history, sometimes that’s a bit too much to bear. If I’m honest, the best way to get through to tomorrow unscathed, is to grit your teeth and ride it out; in time these key days will get easier, I promise.
It’s bizarre how many people come out of the woodwork when you announce your divorce.
Some say, ‘Oh, my friend Edna had a terrible time with her divorce, she had blah blah blah occur, it was awful!’.
I think they may be trying to find a way to cope with and process your news, by either showing a degree of empathy via the Edna link, or by trying to lessen your pain by saying someone they knew had a far worse time than you are.
It’s probably essentially kind-hearted but often ineffectual and at times, inappropriate and insensitive.
The fact is your divorce pain might only be a paper cut on the finger by comparison to Edna’s amputation just below the knee, but that doesn’t take the biting sting out of your paper cut. Pain is pain and you should be given the grace to experience it, regardless of Edna or others in a similar boat, so smile politely, send a well wish to Edna and put the kettle on; this is one conversation you might find easier to change the topic.