It is personally destructive to look upon your years gone by with vitriol, even if your ex was a complete and utter horror to be with.
Reach for a different perspective (if only for a short time before your ex lashes out with another barbed spike of irritation) and try to remember three nice things about them from your good times together.
There were probably more than three things that attracted you to them in the first instance.
Revisiting a happy place in your mind can be a very positive personal step forward, brief though it may be before you cast the thought aside, pick up your pieces and move on.
If you don’t want to go out, if you don’t want to hit the dating scene, if you don’t want to iron those trousers, if you don’t want to wear a smile, if you don’t want to do much more than breathe today, cut yourself some slack and do just that.
Your mojo will return in good time.
If you’re having a day where you feel as if your very soul has been put through a mangle, maybe it’s a day best spent in a pensive, quiet fashion, contemplating your navel and deciding what to do next.
Anybody that took their partner’s surname when they got married, may feel like divorcing them is simply not enough.
Moving away from association with their name can be incredibly cathartic and can mark the start of the healing process.
In the UK you can use a Deed Poll to change your name to anything you wish, including your maiden name. It costs around £25 and legally, you don’t actually have to use them, but official documentation from them makes it easier to effect name changes with other authorities, like banks, the passport office and so on.
One final tip: if you do decide to change your name, don’t beat yourself up for signing things with your old signature for a while. That mental adjustment takes a little time to get used to.
If you’ve moved away from your marital home, it’s a fair assumption that you had very good reasons for doing so.
Going back to your former home for any reason is likely to be emotionally taxing and it’s worth thinking ahead to ways you can reduce the amount of times you have to do so.
Collecting your mail is an easy one to tick off the list by organising a simple redirect with the post office.
It might seem like an irritating expense but you’ll ensure all important documents and divorce correspondence arrive on your doormat and you’ll no longer be beholden to the ex for looking after it.
If you are on the run up to leaving your soon-to-be-ex, be sure to compile a checklist of important documentation you need to take with you and tick every item off in turn.
Your birth certificate, your passport (and those for your children if applicable), also your driving license paperwork, key ID cards and papers, mortgage details, bank cards, cheque books and your marriage certificate, will be invaluable bits of paper in the months ahead.
You need your marriage certificate to file for divorce in the UK and I suspect in many other countries too.
It is possible to request certified copies of things, but it can be a costly affair and would throw unnecessarily delaying spanners in your works.
If living with your ex was very challenging, once they’re out of your immediate vicinity you might want to redeploy the dogged determination that helped you get through it.
Consider setting yourself a new challenge. Perhaps swimming a mile across open water, or going caving, maybe even abseiling.
Doing it for charity will make the achievement extra special, but really, this is about showing yourself that if you managed to live with your awful ex, from this point onwards, anything is achievable!
Resist the urge to have any body art that glorifies the end of your relationship.
Piercings are visible enough and even if you take the jewellery out and let the skin grow back, you’ll always see the scar and tattoos are nothing short of permanent.
Having a piece of artwork done to signify the death of your marriage might initially offer you victorious relief but in time you may regret seeing anything on your precious epidermis that reminds you of your fated connection.
Irritating ex’s do a good enough job of getting under your skin as it is!
If you’ve been a non/low wage earner in your relationship and you suddenly find yourself separated and depleted of funds, the first thing you need to do is find out where you stand financially by getting a clear picture of what you are entitled to.
The Citizen’s Advice Bureau is an extremely useful organisation (UK) but it can take some time to get an appointment in which to lay out all the facts for a comprehensive assessment.If you have most of your financial information to hand and can access the internet, a little time invested filling in the interactive forms on EntitledTo.co.uk, will probably pay dividends.
They touch on just about every aspect of your life but by the end of the grilling, you’ll have a very clear idea of who you need to contact, what you need to tell them and how you can start to get any benefits or assistance you are entitled to.
Don’t be afraid to ask!
Be aware that self-centered acquaintances are not beyond tearing you off an unjustified strip in the wake of your separation or ensuing divorce, because it has brought back the pain and sadness of their separation or divorce!
How dare you make them go there!
Well, there’s nowt as queer as folk, as they say up north.
Let’s face it, you’ll never find the logic in their response. You might just as well look on the bright side, that’s one less card and stamp to buy at Christmas.
Your ex’s immediate family can be one of the hardest sets of ‘The They’ to have to endure.
You may find yourself physically discarded like a walking piece of used tissue, in which case, you have nothing much to work with unless you chose to keep the threads of communication open.
However, doing so might result in them having to confront the very worst of their child/sibling etc, as they struggle to digest the details of your marital status and what brought you to this point.
The devil is in the detail. Consider what you want to happen as a result of honest dialogue and be guarded of the potential response of your actions.