I’m aware the tips of late have dealt with large and looming practical topics. It’s time for one designed to keep your physical and mental levels as buoyant as possible through what may be an incredibly draining time for you.
People generally don’t like to grumble about things they have little control over, but remember your doctor is ethically bound to listen to the situation you find yourself in. If elements of it are biting into your wellbeing, your doctor may end up being more valuable than your most trusted friend.
It’s your doctor’s job to help you stay as balanced as possible, through and beyond your divorce. Heed their advice and be sure to ask them about other supportive networks and non-chemical based, holistic products and therapies too.
If they prescribe anything to help you get through it, once you get to the end of your troublesome phase, make a further appointment with them to discuss a withdrawal plan, don’t make that judgment yourself and just stop, be a patient patient.
If you’ve broken away from a spouse who could best be summed up as controlling, maniacal, deceitful and utterly deluded in the thought that they are fine, it’s the rest of the world that has a problem, well done you!
It takes a very brave soul to step away from somebody that has such a loose grip on reality.
Difficulties arise when you remove yourself from the frame and they find a replacement whipping post in your children. It’s disturbing to observe evidence of them drip-feeding poisonous verbal cocktails that paint them out as the victim, when the truth is quite another matter.
However, deep-tissue lies are very hard to sustain and eventually, they will be seen for who they are and they may have to face dire consequences from their actions.
If all you can do is send the child your love and as much reassurance that things aren’t as they seem, do it and do it as often and in as many ways as you can, be the light and send the love.
When separation and divorce comes a-knocking, it’s not just contact with the ex you have to ponder.
You’ll find a whole raft of friends and family waiting in the wings for their fate to be decided upon too.
If the flappy-tongued gossip-mongers have done a good job and they are quick off the mark, you might not have the luxury of making that decision. A fair proportion of former associates will fall either side of the fence and you might be surprised to the core by the stance of a few.
My extensive research has shown that those living in the most fragile of greenhouses, with the most questionable pasts, have regularly been the ones with the most audacity, sat on moral high ground, throwing the most enormous boulders, showing they have more front than Blackpool!
It’s life and you might find it easier to let go of their connection, than to fight to keep them onside.
There are plenty more friends of fish in the sea.
When you feel the weight of your situation bearing down on your shoulders, try to make a list of at least three things you usually have fun doing and tape it to the fridge or a kitchen cupboard that you see regularly.
The list can contain anything from knitting, ice skating, bathing and grooming the dog, star gazing, giving yourself a pedicure, meditating or visiting an art gallery; the only pre-requisite to be on the list is that the activity should give you pleasure. Decorate it with silly smiley faces too, you don’t have to be van Gogh about it, an L S Lowry stick-woman will do.
If you see the list enough times as you pass through the house, eventually you’ll seduce yourself into doing one of them and hopefully restoring your smile again.
It only takes one happy event, one positive occurrence to happen and you can wipe out a whole tide of sadness in one motion. It might not last forever, but it’ll set the tone for a happier day.
Pensions are often the most overlooked, yet incredibly valuable asset when it comes to splitting your collective worth.
If you both have a reasonable portfolio, consider leaving them intact rather than each of you taking half of the other person’s; this pointless transaction will cost you dearly in the long run.
Conversely, a healthy pension on one side could be a useful tool when splitting immediate monies. For example, one partner may have all their needs met in the short term and not have an urgent requirement for liquid assets; trading short for long-term security could hold the key to a swift settlement.
I realise it’s the most tricky of topics, but do your best to negotiate calmly, either alone or with a mediator before engaging the solicitor to start bargaining on your behalf.
Of course, if at any stage you feel your ex is unjustly trying to hang you out to dry, leave it in the hands of the professionals and make plenty of noise; the fairest will in the world will not be able to reason with some.
It’s a bit of a wild assumption that nobody wants to be alone.
Actually, sometimes being alone is just the ticket, particularly after a period of undesirable noise and emotional turbulence.
Fight the pestering urges from well-meaning ally’s who want to invite you to every party on the block and rest in the peace and quiet of not having to make decisions about what to wear, what to say to potentially interested suitors or just sympathetic souls who think they know your story.
Being alone to lick your wounds, to sit and pick your nose, or simply to revel in the silence, is just fine!
Have a long, hard think about what your wedding ring symbolised to you and what it actually means to you now.
The romantic ‘unending circle of love’ strapline might not stand up to much at this point and it may be time to consider what you want to do with the heavy metal long-term.
If you threw yours at your ex during your parting exchange, there’s probably not much to think about as you’ve passed the responsibility onto them to dispose of it.
Obvious choices are of course sell, pawn or give it away, but if you feel your wedding band is filled with a rancorous, caustic life force, consider taking it somewhere and burying it deep under the soil. Let the earth claim back the precious minerals that were once stolen from it.
Divorce is like a death without a funeral…perhaps this could be a perfect send off.
If you stumble across any unexplainable hitches during the early days of your separation with regards to your finances, you might like to get up close and personal with them by contacting a credit reference agency.
This can be particularly useful and reassuring if you were not involved a great deal with the financial side of your former relationship.
They hold information of county court judgments for debt, bankruptcy information, details of previous searches made by organisations against their databases and details of individual accounts, highlighting any late payments history, amongst other things.
It may well be that you have absolutely nothing to worry about, but approved agencies like Equifax, Callcredit or Experian (UK) will let you know if you have anything pegged against your name for a fee of around £2.00.
If there are any anomalies, you can set about putting them right and divorcing yourself from anything that you’re not responsible for.
The repetitive daily drudge of divorce can make you feel as though you’re living your entire life in beige.
If you feel you’ve embraced a little too much convention of late, perhaps it’s time to push the boundaries and light yourself up with some colour.
Changing clothes and hairstyles is radical and can be expensive, but it won’t break the bank buying 10 pots of nail varnish to paint your toes and fingers a multitude of shades.
This booster isn’t restricted to women either, male toe colour is very enigmatic and positively funky.
If you don’t want anyone to notice or make a fuss about it, just go for the toes and make a splashy impact on yourself but if you do decide to wear sandals when you go out, you’ll be sure to evoke a few smiles along the way.
As you approach the tail end of your relationship, you may find eating out together becomes a fraught and less frequent affair.
Breaking bread at the same table can be hard enough, but if sharing conversation pushes the event to its limit, you’ll do well to take note of how you feel about being out with your dinner partner.
Stress and food is a great recipe for stomach complaints, as you struggle to digest the rest of the gripes.
However, once you’re the other side of the wall, seek out a new restaurant that appeals to all of your taste buds, somewhere you’ve never been as a couple and book yourself a table for one. Enjoy getting yourself ready to go out, then relish further in how fabulous you feel inside, knowing this is going to be a deliciously, slow, mouthwatering meal that you can consume at your pace, in peace.