If your ex is behaving appallingly towards you, it can be incredibly hard to try and understand why, regardless of whether you left them, or they left you.
When relationships finish, it can evoke bizarre and quite dreadful behaviours which are futile to try and comprehend. I’ve often thought it must be some sort of self-preservation mechanism kicking in to prevent world regarding them as being the one who is wearing the baddies uniform.
It is less emotionally expensive and more effective in the long term to simply accept it’s taking place; they’ll get bored and shut up eventually.
If funds are tight and your earnings have been affected by your change of circumstances, be sure to look into whether you qualify for a tax credit exemption certificate.
It will grant you access to free and greatly subsidised healthcare for optical testing and eye wear requirements, dental care, medical prescriptions and more. It is difficult cutting through all of the red tape to obtain one, but if you are down on your luck, it is well worth continuing your pursuit, especially if your health has deteriorated during the stressful time of your divorce.
Once you get back to full health and are earning on full cylinders, you will probably have to relinquish it, so be sure to make the most of it while you are able.
If you are feeling particularly distressed and tea and chocolate simply cannot clear it, go out and find a nice quiet piece of woodland, brace yourself, then scream all of your anger and frustration out at the trees and tell them everything!
Trees are particularly good at listening and will not pass comment on your outpouring, except to tell you that once you’ve made your throat sore from yelling, nothing much has changed in the world, but your blood may boil a little less and that’s probably a good thing.
Breathe in the calm and soothing response from the trees and fill your lungs with fresh air and fresh hope that tomorrow, you’ll be one step closer to it all ending.
Meditation can guide you through a welcoming doorway to inner peace and you don’t have to be a Buddhist to do it. The ensuing respite can bring reliable, if temporary, release from all the pressures bearing down on your shoulders.
All that’s required is a pocketful of quiet time, a warm space, a pillow to sit on that will encourage you to sit upright with your back straight, or you could always lie comfortably if you prefer. Music stores, your local library, the guided mediation section of Amazon and several free destinations on YouTube will uncover a vast resource to listen to.
With a little focus and practice, they will help you to calm down from stressful situations and may be able to help you expedite your self-healing process.
Being separated from your children can hurt akin to a knife twisting mercilessly in your heart.
Accept that whatever time you are able to spend with them cannot compensate for the time you are apart and do all you can to ensure it consists of top quality, paying-attention time; my, they grow so fast.
Try to hold onto the fact that simple pleasures shared with you are better than any electrical gadget or fashion accessory that you can probably ill afford, which is easier said than done, especially when they are being affected by peer pressure.
Take them to the pool or the park, play games with them, read together, pack goodies in a picnic and remember even teenagers can derive an enormous amount of pleasure watching a parent fail miserably to catch a frisbee!
Wake from your sleep today and know that something good is going to happen.
It’s easy to believe that all that’s going to drop through your letterbox is depressing paperwork that will require your immediate attention. In truth, that may well be the case.
Find something good, perhaps from just strolling through your garden with a hot cup of tea. New shoots may poking up, or buds beginning to open, or perhaps you’ll catch a breathtaking sunrise, it’s all there, every day.
When you do find something that evokes a heartfelt smile, revel in it for a while before you plough on with the necessary tasks of the day.
We must take responsibility for our own actions and accept that we are not responsible for the behaviour of others.
Ex’s walk their own path, just as you walk yours. You must not lay blame for their actions on your shoulders, even if you did leave them and actually, even if you didn’t!
Cut yourself some slack and understand this can be incredibly hard to do, particularly when they are behaving in a vile or out of character manner.
We all have the power to curb negative responses to the actions of others and for sake of our own inner peace if nothing else, we should endeavour to do so.
Keep on top of your divorce paperwork as best as you can and start by keeping it all in one place.
Acquire a lever arch file and some plastic wallets and put everything that arrives in there in whatever order works for you, chronological, alphabetical or organisation.
Post It Notes are great for writing instructions on and poking over the edge of the papers so you have clear visual reminders of the tasks you need to do.
The benefit of keeping it all together in a single file, is that when it starts to drive you crazy, you can close the file and put it away out of sight.
Occasionally, it’s all you can do to put one foot in front of the other and step forwards.
The appeal in staring at the wall trying to make sense of it all is overwhelming and to be honest, it doesn’t hurt to indulge in a little nothingness every now and again.
Anybody that says, ‘Ah, come on, pull yourself together, life’s too short’ and other irritating positives, hasn’t got a clue how deep your pain is.
Sometimes, a pocket of silence, slowness or stillness is all that is required to get you back on track.
Adrenaline is a naturally occurring chemical event in your body which you have limited control over.
It often kicks in when your body is in a fight or flight situation and can occur when you feel most vulnerable. A rush of it can result in your legs going physically wobbly, your hands shaking and voice quavering too. Don’t worry, it can be calmed and rectified with medication from your doctor and it’s worth making an appointment to speak to them to discuss it. It may well be that you are suffering from temporary anxiety, stress or maybe even a panic attacks and the doctor soon put your mind at rest.
You can also lessen its impact with food and strangely enough, oranges, almonds and dark chocolate can give almost instant relief and might be useful items to add to your shopping list.