Divorce Coping Tip for 25th October 2016

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This one is for folks who are still bruised and bleeding from their marriage going sour, but who have not lost faith in the power of love.

They may even have a new love on the horizon and be struggling as friends and family cast aspersions and bestow you with well wishes in equal measure.

The best advice I can give you is to listen to your gut, heart and soul when it comes to making those big decisions as to whether you enter a new relationship and if you do, be transparent about all that has gone before you and more importantly, about how you feel now. More importantly, don’t shy away from telling them what you need from them and the future.

Your foundations will be solid if you let them but they must be built on honesty, hope and passion for life.

I found my soulmate in the darkest of all times; miracles can happen.

Divorce Coping Tip for 24th October 2016

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Have an external source review the intricacies of your financial situation.

If you have been left struggling on a tiny budget, especially as you wade through the early days of separation and into divorce, you may find you are entitled a small slice of benefit which will help you get through it without drowning.

In cases of extreme negative finance, you might find you qualify for special benefits which will go a long way to helping you keep on top of the legal bills.

Discussions with The Citizen’s Advice Bureau are confidential and they are a great place to start and there’s more on the website for the Government too.

Divorce Coping Tip for 23rd October 2016

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Even though same sex marriages are now common in the UK – many people are in civil partnerships, and they can fall foul to the same fate as any marriage; failure.

If you are a in a civil partnership, you do have the same entitlement when it comes to property rights, pension benefits and inheritance tax exemptions and if you have children, you can obtain parental responsibility for your partner’s children.

In much the same way as a marriage, the process for the legal dissolution of your relationship needs to begin by showing irretrievable breakdown and by providing evidence of either unreasonable behaviour, desertion for more than 2 years in the past 2.5 years, that you have lived apart for more than 2 years with consent of the other partner or that you have lived apart for more than 5 years.

It is also worth noting that either partner can make the same financial claims that would be made in a standard marriage.

There are delicate intricacies to all civil partnership dissolutions and you may feel you’ll be best served by a solicitor that has specific knowledge and experience of this type of divorce, although theoretically, all solicitors should all be able to provide you with the same level of service.

Divorce Coping Tip for 22nd October 2016

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If you parted from your partner in your autumn years and have a couple of decades or more of wedded life notched up, it might be hard to remember back to doing anything on your own.

Christmases, Thanksgiving dinners, family celebrations and more might feel particularly hard to face with your new status. You might even be tempted to duck out of them altogether and stay away from the heat.

What do you do about facing up to your birthday?

It’s the one day of the year that you are in complete charge of yourself. You can do as much or as little as you wish and you should not accept pressure – no matter how well meaning it is – from chums into doing something you are not comfortable doing.

If your ex sends you a card and present, you are likely to fall apart. If your ex doesn’t send you a card or present, you are equally likely to do the same. Year one of new life ‘ain’t easy, however you cut it.

It will get easier…honest.

Divorce Coping Tip for 21st October 2016

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The lead up to leaving your spouse is such a bizarre and unique time, you are unlikely to encounter any other period like it.

You alone know what you intend to do. You also know, the minute you press that Big Red Button, everything you believe to be simple, true and predictable will cease to be. Even if your soon-to-be-ex is expecting an upheaval in your relationship, nothing can prepare them or you for the crash actually taking place.

You are responsible for your actions. You are not responsible for the actions of others. To a large degree, you are going to have to take what happens in the immediate future on the chin until the dust has settled and you are able to regroup.

So, before you stand at the end of your end, ask yourself if you’ve done all you can to make your marriage work, if there’s any way you can be happy with your partner or if the only sensible course of action is to draw a line under your relationship and to start afresh; the Big Red Button awaits.

Divorce Coping Tip for 20th October 2016

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If you are hopeless at keeping appointments organised and remembering what happened when, be honest and admit it to yourself, or you’re going to seriously struggle to keep on top of your ensuing divorce.

Buy an inexpensive A5 diary – regardless of whatever time of year it is – and make summary notes of any telephone calls you have with your legal team, of key discussion points you have during communication with your ex, of nights your children stay with you/them, of calls to any external bodies like the child benefit office, pension companies, estate agents, insurance companies in fact, just about anybody or any firm that has a direct impact on your divorce.

Even those who consider themselves to have sharp memories will have their abilities stretched to the limit.

If it all gets a bit oppressive, you can close the book and shove it in a drawer until you are ready to face the onslaught of another day.

Failure to keep your finger on the pulse will cost you emotionally and financially and there will be little chance of a refund on either.

Divorce Coping Tip for 19th October 2016

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Whether you have recently split up or are in receipt of your Decree Absolute, it’s worth investing a time when deciding if you want to hang out with a group of friends.

A toxic group that have nothing better to do with themselves than whoop up a hate campaign, are simply that, toxic. They will dampen your already depleted effervescence in their futile and thoughtless attempts at making you feel better. They are likely to leave you feeling that you have a complete inability to make a decent judgement on what constitutes a decent partner and even if that’s true, you don’t need your nose rubbed in it while you’re still bleeding.

Conversely, a well meaning group of chums who have your best interests at heart might also wreak havoc on your emotions with relentless hugging and tears and by laying the, ‘Aww, still there’s plenty of other fish in the sea’ comments at your feet; if only you fancied going out with a fish eh!

The group mentality is a unique one and it is often led by a noisy individual. Ideally, you should be running on at least three cylinders before making rash decisions to be a member of the pack.

Divorce Coping Tip for 18th October 2016

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Before you enter the meeting with your solicitor to discuss financial matters, I advise you to be better prepared than a high ranking Boy Scout.

The less work your legal team have to do, the more money you’ll be able to hold onto, so go in armed with as much as you can from the following list.

An up to date valuation of your property

current mortgage status

valuations on any other assets

CETV values of pensions

your most recent P60 and 4+ payslips

self-employed folks will need to bring their books for the past 2 years

a valuation of the business from your accountant

12 months bank/building society statements

the surrender value of endowments

your last tax return

details of shares held

credit card statements

outstanding loan details

and finally, in as much detail as you can provide, your income requirements.

This bit is undoubtedly the most mentally taxing segment of your divorce and the sooner you tick all these irritations off the list, the better; good luck with it all.

Divorce Coping Tip for 17th October 2016

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You might not be particularly keen on looking to the heavens above in a religious way for divine inspiration, despite the fact that you may have stood palms up to the sky with eyes closed calling, ‘Oh God!’ in exasperation.

However, last night, the full Hunter’s moon coincided with a very high tide, the lunar activity being responsible for the huge movement of worldly waters.

If you consider that we humans are over 60% water, perhaps this global shift is the perfect time to wash off any divorce blues that have been lapping over your emotional sea wall.

There is more visually heavenly activity set for this evening, so if you are able to stand under a clear sky and have a little meditative time to clear your mind, it might help soothe any fractious thoughts.

Divorce Coping Tip for 16th October 2016

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It can be incredibly difficult being a parent and trying to forge a new life after you’ve divorced a controlling, demonstrative ex.

If your children have become so used to seeing a parent communicating and behaving badly, there’s a likelihood that they’ll adopt those very same traits. They see bad behaviour but think it’s normal; that’s quite an exhausting tide to fight against.

You could easily end up in a fractious situation with your child that leaves you feeling as though you are stood there in dialogue with your ex. You hackles will go up in self-defence and it might even make you feel as though they have violated your living space by channeling their anger through your child.

Treat each of these situations with calm, loving patience and remember, your vile ex isn’t in your home, you are safe and the child needs kindhearted urging towards more socially acceptable ways to behave.

They’ll either work it out for themselves and sharpen up, or fall down the same path, where history runs a horrible risk of repeating itself.